Sunday, December 05, 2010

Worst. Blogger. Ever.

Sorry, sorry. I don't even have a good excuse like Sara -- and let's all send over a big mazel tov, shall we? Even if we weren't invited. Ahem.

Anyway. Let me go ahead and fill you in on the events of the last few weeks. It all started in early November when a client of mine asked me to come to New York for a week to work on a project. I had to think about for a few seconds. A week ON MY OWN in New York City? With no laundry, no fighting, no cooking or cleaning? Um, yes, yes, I think this is a go. So, off I went. In a town car they paid for, on a flight they paid for, to the hotel they paid for. And while I was there, I ate kosher Chinese that they paid for, as part of my $80 per diem, which ROCKED THE HOUSE.

I also worked an insane amount of hours, but I totally didn't even mind. Because I was stuffed on Chinese food. Plus, I was experiencing this totally bizarre phenomenon: I would put down items (my glasses, a book, my laptop), and they would remain exactly where I put them. Those of you who are mothers of small children may not believe that this is possible, but I assure you that it is. I lived it, for those 8 days. It was awesome.

Oh, and that laptop? That would be this little beauty, purchased when I landed the contract for the trip. It is SO FREAKING COOL that it almost makes up for the fact that I was the ONLY PERSON IN MANHATTAN WITHOUT AN IPHONE.

Of course, you can't go to New York and not hang out with Persephone, so I did that. Yep, that's right peeps, I got to hang out with the adorable Aleph and Bet, Lance, AND Persephone herself, live, in the flesh, and supercool. She even cooked me dinner. It was awesome.

I also spent my first ever Shabbat in Brooklyn, with my friend's parents. That, too, was great -- I had the basement to myself, plenty of time to sleep, and I actually sat for the whole meal on Friday night AND Shabbat lunch, and NO ONE PUT THEIR HANDS IN MY FOOD. I'm telling you, it's living the dream.

Now, prior to leaving for this trip, I had still been nursing Baby A. I figured that at 16 months, he wasn't nursing all that much, so no big deal, right? HA. And in case I was unclear, let me clarify: HA HA HA. By the end of my first 24 hours in NYC, my breasts had swelled to the size of a small country, and I was in the kind of pain one might associate with, say, an amputation or a beheading.

Also, I had purchased two button-down shirts to wear to the office (because I felt that it might be inappropriate to show up in my normal attire: t-shirts that say things like, "Be nice to me. I might talk about you on my blog.") But the shirts were purchased when I was still the size of a human being, and when my chest expanded threefold, well, let's just say that my meetings on Thursday were ALL ABOUT MY BOOBS.

Anyway, the adventures eventually ended, and I returned home to Houston. And then, a few days later, the mailman delivered a package... from my friend's parents in Brooklyn. Immediately, I was certain that I had forgotten some... unmentionables... and I was about to be mortified. I opened the envelope to find... another envelope. On which my friend's father had written, "This turned up when we washed the linens from your room. Best wishes." Fingers trembling, I opened the envelope to find... underwear.  BUT HERE'S THE KICKER: IT WASN'T MINE!

Yes, friends, these people sent me SOMEONE ELSE'S UNDERWEAR.

Well, that just about catches us up. There's just one other little story having to do with a certain famous blogger visiting for Thanksgiving, but let's save a little something for next time, 'kay?


moplans said...

WG I am so thrilled you got that work-vacation in NYC that I am barely even jealous

persephone said...

It was a blast having you. My only regret is being too tired to take you out anywhere! I turned into a pumpkin at what, 9 pm? *sheepish*

Someone else's underwear. Ahaha. I am DYING.

Natalie said...

Haven't read your blogs in forever -- and as always, I totally enjoyed it! So cracked up about the underwear -- too funny!!!
It was such a joy to hear the happiness in your voice enjoying your vacation -- you so deserve it!
Remain well --
Fellow Sotos mom,

DESJ and Company said...

Someone elses undies?? Classic! I feel loved thanx for the shout out ;)
I'm going to NY in 2 weeks and after ditching Dovi at his ski trip I will also be on my own for 4 days! Ahhhhhhhh