Nothing to see here, just a crazy wife venting

Yesterday, I spent the day working to write five articles and cooking for Shabbat. When I finished those tasks, I went to the grocery store to get the rest of the food necessary for Shabbat, gifts for D's teachers/bus driver, picked up Baby J., drove to D's school and distributed gifts, and came home and resumed the cooking.

Shortly before Shabbat, Mr. WG inspected the food and found it unsatisfactory, so he put a bunch of rice in the rice cooker and set a timer so that it would cook and then go off later.

The timer did not work, the rice did not cook, and yet somehow, no one starved.

This morning, I stayed home with the kids while Mr. WG went to shul. When D. and the girls left, I amused Baby J., cleaned up, and prepped the food for lunch.

Today, we discussed how someone needed to go to Target after Shabbat, to purchase birthday party gifts and other junk we needed. "I'll go," said Mr. WG.

At some point, I fell asleep on the sofa, and Mr. WG sent various children in to tell me they were going to visit some friends. Later, I joined them in the park, then I came in with Baby J., then I stayed home with both boys while Mr. WG went back to shul.

When he returned, after Shabbat, I gave him the shopping list. When he returned, he had purchased:

1. An 80-piece set of cars, stops signs, policemen holding guns, ambulances, and fire trucks, clearly marked for children 5 and up. This, he told me, was for Baby J. Who is not yet 3.

2. A ROCKET LAUNCHER clearly marked for children ages 10 AND UP, with I don't know how many parts, but that LAUNCHES A ROCKET to give as a gift to a little boy turning FIVE.

3. An iPod charger to give as a family white elephant gift at a party we are attending with people we actually like.

4. A pocketknife and some other horrifically cheap gift from the cheap gifts section (right next to menswear, conveniently located for lazy husbands, I guess) for another white elephant party, one that specifically stated your gift should be something you would want to receive yourself.

"Have fun returning these," I said.

"Why didn't you do anything?" he asked.

"Excuse me?"

"Why did you just sit here, reading a book? Why didn't you clean up?"

He may eventually regain the use of his legs.

Ha ha. I asked him to tell me about the hard work he had done today, to which he replied, "Get out of my office." That's what he says when he knows I'm right.