Yet another Open Letter to Aetna Health Insurance

Aetna, you ignorant slut.

I am writing regarding your letter of May 16, 2008 titled, “Save-A-Copay Program: Aetna Offers You a Savings Opportunity.”

I was touched by your “Dear Member” salutation. Nice touch. You went on to describe an “innovative program” that could help me save money on prescription drugs.

Aetna, I am all about saving money. But you know what? I am pretty much at my out of pocket maximum for the year. Yes, we have already paid just under $6,000 for medical expenses. Actually, we have paid significantly more than that, but since you don’t find my son’s shadow to be medically necessary (perhaps because you are neither his mother, nor his developmental pediatrician, nor any kind of medical expert), you don’t count the $8,000 we have paid her. Whatever. The point is, Aetna, really what you’re trying to do here is save YOU money. So let’s call a spade a spade, shall we?

You noted in your letter that I recently received a prescription for Lexapro. You suggested that I ask my doctor to switch me to the generic eqivalent, citalopram. This intrigued me, because I had recently looked up Lexapro and discovered that there will be no generic equivalent until 2012.

Had Aetna invented time travel on the side? I was curious, so I did a little more research and discovered that while citalopram is similar to Lexapro, it is not the generic equivalent.

Aetna, if you got hit by a bus and came to the emergency room and needed a blood transfusion and you had Type A blood, would you like it if I gave you Type B, because, dude, they’re both blood?

That’s kind of how I feel, particularly because some very cursory Googling revealed that citalopram DOESN’T TREAT GENERALIZED ANXIETY DISORDER.

Bite me, Aetna.

And stop sending me letters.

Your friend,
WG