Thursday, May 01, 2008

The Other Side of Me

Dude, can you tell that I am subjected to A LOT of Hannah Montana? (That title is another song, all about how when you see Hannah, you're not seeing Miley. The heart bleeds.)

Anyway.

Lately, I have been exploring interests other than childrearing. Not that childrearing is an interest of mine, or even a hobby, but it is something that consumes a fairly enormous amount of my time. But as much as I love my kids, I was really starting to miss ME, so I sat and moped.

At some point, I realized that sitting and moping wasn't actually accomplishing anything. So then I began To Take Action. I had this fantastic idea that I would write a book about parenting a child with special needs. And then one of my friends said to
me, "Can I advise you not to do that?"

Um, what? Well, it turns out that she wasn't just trying to be rude or obnoxious. Quite the contrary. She explained that so often parents of SN kids let that one facet of life become all-consuming, and even their "me" time becomes ALL ABOUT HAVING A KID WITH SPECIAL NEEDS. And while I listened to her explain this, I thought, Oh my God. This is why I am so unhappy all the time. I have lost ME.


And so I set out to find me.

I planted a garden.

I have a few tomatoes growing, some peppers, maybe a single strawberry will be harvested at some point. The basil is emerging, the carrots were not planted deeply enough, and I am waiting for the watermelon and cantaloupe to sprout. Every day, I check my seedlings, water the plants, feel the dirt between my fingers. It is so good.

I resumed my knitting. I'm finally close to finishing the ribbon jacket I started for Z. ages and ages ago.

Slowly but surely, I am finding me.

3 comments:

Teej said...

Wow. That makes so much sense. Never occurred to me, but that is why you have friends who are smarter than I am. (Which was also a really wise decision on your part, it turns out.)

meghan said...

I aspire to what you have started, though I think I'm going to have to wait until the trio is a little older. It's good to remember we're more than our unusual kids sometimes.

ella said...

I'm so glad to hear it...so important.

I was actually thinking about your prior post, though -- if you write an article about the conference, would the airfare and rental car expenses be tax-deductible? Would that help much?