Monday, July 09, 2007

I SWEAR, it was only a FEW illicit drugs

Highlights from our $1000 private assessment report. This was the assessment that D. didn’t enjoy, and I should note that Mr. WG did not like the doctor, Dr. High Expectations, from his first phone conversation with her. Original, verbatim comments [with names replaced with typical pseudonyms] in bold. My comments in italics. Laugh track is in your mind.

WG’s pregnancy with D. was unremarkable. She denied the use of illicit drugs, alcohol and nicotine while pregnant. The birth plan included a homebirth with a midwife. Is it just me? Am I reading into this? Don’t you think we could have found a verb other than “denied”?

Parents were reportedly informed that D. was suffering from infection. Parents were reportedly told that Dr. HE was a competent professional.

In September of 2006, D. began a pre-school program at [the small day school]. Initially, D. “screamed a lot.” Initially, Mr. WG “did not like Dr. HE very much.”

Overall, basic academic awareness is severely delayed and consistent with indications of overall cognitive development. Um.

You know what? Making fun of this report is not actually making me feel better. Instead, let’s just put it away and never speak of it again, shall we?

3 comments:

lisa said...

The guy was a jerk. And even though it sounds like it's TOTALLY pointing the finger, "denied" is pretty standard medical report-speak. Jerk face doctor.

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

I hate these assessments and evaluations and all this crap. Sometimes it makes me feel better to make fun of it -- sometimes it doesn't. Have you read my Associates With Loners post?

WriterGrrl said...

Lisa, I know it's standard, but it still makes me feel like I'm standing there in handcuffs going, "Dude, it's not my stash, I swear." :-)

MPJ -- Haven't read it but clicking over shortly....