Hurry Up and Wait

We were supposed to spend this morning meeting with the neuropsychologist, giving her D's history and background and preparing for her evaluation of him, scheduled for a week and a hlaf from now.

I have been psyching myself up for this appointment. It is the first step towards getting a real assessment of D's potential. The first step to having someone say with moderate certainty, This is what he can be.

I know that it shouldn't make a difference. I get that, I do. I know that he is my son, and of course I love him now, always, and forever, no matter what. But still, uncertainty sucks. Do I maintain a college fund for him? Or do I put that money in some sort of trust so as not to burden his siblings with his care one day? Will he be in regular classes at some point? Or should I start looking for schools that can meet his needs through adolescence and beyond?

And yes, I realize the irony of placing great weight on comments made with moderate certainty. But still.

So it should come as no surprise that just as we were about to leave, the good doctor called to apologize -- her car won't start.

We've rescheduled for Friday. My heart continues to race.