Mr. WG and I have different approaches to life in general. I am what some might call hot-headed, stubborn, quick to anger, slow to forgive. You know, easygoing. Ha, ha.
Mr. WG, on the other hand, is a great diplomat. A peacemaker. Slow to anger, quick to forgive.
My mother has mentioned on more than one occasion that when D. was in the NICU, we managed to combine the best of our strengths to give D. everything he needed. My approach was along the lines of, "He's going to be fine, because he has to be fine." Mr. WG's attitude was, "This is my son. I love him. End of discussion."
Last night, Mr. WG asked me, "Do you still have any question about whether D. will one day live independently?"
"Yes."
"Even when you see what he can do at age 3?"
"Yes. Do you want to know why?"
"No."
And he really meant it. In his mind, there is no question. D. will be fine. D. is fine. And even if he isn't, it doesn't matter. Maybe I am the lesser parent, the lesser person. Maybe our distinct approaches are an important factor in D’s life. Maybe I think too much.
Mr. WG has perfect, unbroken faith. I have always been jealous of that. In his world, things happen for a reason. “Everything is from heaven,” he says. “Every delay is for good.” (Trust me, that one sounds better in Hebrew. It even rhymes.) Baruch dayan emet. (That’s what you say when someone dies. Blessed is the True Judge.) Mr. WG can say these things with a whole heart.
Me, I question. Why did this happen? Why to me? Why my kid? Why?
I know that no one has any guarantees. I know that things can always go wrong… or right. I know that you get what you get. But I still want to know what I got.
In the meantime, I’ll keep trying to follow Mr. WG’s example, but I have a feeling I’ll keep failing.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
And that has made all the difference.
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2 comments:
My parents are/were exactly like you and Mr WG. My mom always thought it out, considered all options, planned for the worst, while my dad just loved me always assuming nothing would ever go wrong. Kids need both personalities/styles.
I think Pete and I are a lot like you guys. He is so level about everything with Cole, which at times is frustrating but is primarily reassuring.
I also realized what about your last few posts was hanging in the back of my mind, I finally came up with it last night. I'm jealous of you, in one key aspect - you have 3 unaffected children. You have to worry about Sotos and D., but the rest of your kids only get the "normal" set of worries. I'm just as worried about my potential future children, and a little envious that you have yours and know their status.
In a way, we're lucky this came up with #1, because we know what we're looking for the in the future, but it has changed my planning (always wanted 4, now might be happy with 2) in ways I never anticipated.
Sorry for blabbering :)
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