Tuesday, October 17, 2006

A Little Drama to Spice Things Up

So, I have a sister. We'll call her A., so as not to confuse her with my good friend, M. My sister is 2 and a half years younger than I am. She is a math genius. No, really. Like, that's her actual job.

A couple of months ago, she met a guy and they got engaged about two months after they started dating. That's cool -- Mr. WG and I also got engaged super-quick. But anyway. the thing with my sister is that she is 28, and her Mr. A. -- he is 22.

Well, this morning, my sister called me at 7:30 a.m. her time. Which, you know, should have tipped me off. She asks how we are. We're fine. We're making small talk -- my sister and I don't talk so often. So then I ask her how she is. She thinks she's fine. She thinks? Well, last night Mr. A said he wants to postpone the wedding.

My parents are on vacation in Mexico, by the way.

Um, postpone? What happened? Well, apparently when my sister corrects his grammar (it's a family trait), it annoys him. Also the fact that she likes the table to be set correctly for meals, rather than plopping down in front of the TV. These are reasons to postpone a wedding, right? Or, you know, NOT.

So, they had a whole discussion where it comes out that he went to see a THERAPIST -- and we remember what happened the last time someone in my family went to see a therapist, right? -- last week and then again yesterday and SHE SAID that he was giving too much of himself away or some such CRAP, and can I just say, WHAT THE HELL? What is with these therapists who get off on telling people that their lives are bad?

My sister asked Mr. A. to give her a week to work on the things that bother him so much. Um, no.

I don't know, maybe it's my cynical, jaded worldview, but I don't think that's the way it works. I said, "Look, postponing the wedding is what you do when you're getting married tomorrow and someone in your immediate family dies."

I see two possibilities: 1) He has cold feet. This is understandable and perhaps excusable. But he needs to get over it fast. 2) He doesn't want to get married and he is too chickenshit to say so.

I told her, You need to tell him that either he wants to marry you or he doesn't. And you need to know now. I also told her that marriage is hard work, the hardest you'll ever do. To put someone else's needs if not above your own, then at least on parallel with your own? Not easy.

She told me he said something about it taking a special kind of man to live with our mother, because she likes things to be a certain way. He couldn't live with someone like that. I told her, Look, chickie, no offense, but his youth is showing. EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD LIKES THINGS TO BE A CERTAIN WAY.

I don't know. Did I give her bad advice? Are my parents going to KICK MY ASS if she takes my advice and the wedding doesn't happen? Stay tuned.


Margo said...

Even without knowing you, your sister, or the fiance, I totally agree with you. The fiance? Is full of crap. They're not getting married. Sucks for her, I'm sure, and if you reinforce as much, she might just resent you.

I don't know from sisters, but I do know from boys, and this one is prolonging the inevitable. Of course, I could be wrong, but even if I were, I'm not sure she'd be better off .

Teej said...

Wedding ain't gonna happen. But it sounds like it shouldn't happen, either, so after the hurt and the anger and the crying and the coming to terms, she may eventually see this as a valuable experience in her life. In a few years, I mean. You gave her good advice.

3MGA mom said...

It might be hard from your sister to take that this guy is 'too young' from one of the child-bride posse, but it's not an age-is-a-number thing. He's clearly not ready, especially if he turned to a therapist before your sister. Or maybe just their relationship isn't ready. They weren't together long before they were engaged, but how long have they been engaged? And when is the wedding planned for? One of my siblings is in a sucky marriage, and it's painful to watch... good luck to you and to A!