Monday, July 03, 2006

With Apologies to Amy Tan

I remember when I was pregnant with D., when I found out that I was having a boy, I was so excited. I had two girls already, and even though I knew nothing about boys, I was still SO EXCITED. I had all these visions of Mr. WG taking our son to synagogue on Friday nights, of him watching my husband do his morning prayers. Never mind that these visions would have meant that my husband needed to, ahem ATTEND synagogue on Friday nights and REMEMBER to do his morning prayers. (These days he does both, but at the time? Not so much.) Anyway. It's like that bit in the opening of The Joy Luck Club where the mother says something about the feather she brought from China "carries all my hopes and dreams for you."

For a long time, I would whisper to D., "You have to be OK, because I have pinned all my hopes and dreams on you." Gradually, I started letting go of some of those dreams. I'd bargain. With myself, with God, I don't know, but I'd bargain. "Just let him achieve this, and I will be OK." Now, once again, we're in the mindset that the road ahead may be long and arduous, but we can scale this mountain. And I begin pinning my hopes and dreams back in their places.


Lisa said...

I hear you. I so hear you.