Tuesday, January 29, 2008

It's Not Easy Being D... Or Me.

We are going through some Tough Times. By this I mean that D. is going through A Phase that involves a lot of tantrums and screaming. Developmentally, D's around the tail end of the terrible twos, with some scattered skills to three years and even some scattered skills to about his own age. But language is on the lower part of that spectrum, which of course leads to a lack of logical reasoning, and that means frustration. And that, my friends, means screaming.

Screaming on its own, for screaming's sake, I can handle. I can get very Zen about it and ignore it and hide in the bathroom and fake important client meetings in other states. When Baby J -- who has landed feet first in the terrible twos -- tantrums, I can pick him up and deposit his screaming little body in my bedroom. Or I can sit back and enjoy the show, because he's awfully cute in his little fits of pique.

When D. tantrums, he lashes out. He smacks me. And when I take his hands and firmly tell him, "Mommy is not for hitting," he turns his anger on himself. My beautiful, broken boy smacks and pinches his face, scratches and claws at his skin, and growls with a fierceness that breaks my heart.

"You're hurting my baby," I want to scream, but I try to stay levelheaded. Sometimes I succeed. More often, we both end up collapsed in a heap, worn out, our will to fight gone.

It terrifies me. Is this A Phase? Is it indicative of something worse? What am I doing wrong? How can I fix it? How can I fix D?

8 comments:

Lisa b said...

I'm so sorry. This must be so frustrating. It just seems so sad. I am sure it is a phase.

Blu said...

I'm sure it'll pass. Hang in there.

ella said...

He is your beautiful boy...but I hope you don't really think he is broken. He may be devastatingly hard to reach right now...but I hope, for your sake and his, that he is not broken. I cannot imagine how hard this must be. Love and hugs and strength and courage to you, WG.

Jenniloo said...

Wow, that sounds really hard. I don't have any ideas to share but just wanted to say my heart goes out to you! I'll probably be right there in a few years...

Dramalish said...

Oh, WG.. I just want to say I'm sorry.

It's not fair that you have to wonder about these things... and I hope your worries are proven wrong.

With all my heart,
-D.

Wonders said...

The best thing to do is exactly what you are doing...ask around, talk to your pediatrician...keep asking online...google tantrums and solutions...look it up...it always helps to know of others in the same situation....kids definitely go through phases...doesn't make it easy on us, but it's there was of getting through the world...good luck...

lisa said...

I'm sure it's a phase. It has to be so frustrating to be a kid and be angry and not be able to appropriately verbalize it. But I know it must be so heartbreaking and I'm sorry that you both have to go through that.

Jenny said...

WG - Thanks for directing me to this post. I can so relate to this. Jackson has also recently started hitting himself, which I hate seeing. It's so encouraging to know that D (and the rest of you) made it through this phase. Hopefully we will soon, too! BTW, I read your other post, too, and I can so hear Lynn saying the words you were writing!