They always break after the warranty is up.

I need to change the way my kids behave. And I need to change my response to the way my kids behave. Some examples from recent days here at the WG house:

Yesterday, D. had speech therapy. Yesterday, some friends of ours also had a baby, and their 2-year-old son came over for the day while the baby was being born. So D. and his friend E. were both present for speech. And the therapist has her bag o' toys for D. to go through, and D's running around like a wild child, totally unable to settle on anything, and E. is just sitting, rapt, focusing intently on whatever the therapist asks him to do. She gets out a coloring book and sets E. up with crayons. D. will have nothing to do with this. The doorbell rings. "I'm going to answer the door and I'm coming RIGHT BACK," I say to D., who becomes BEYOND HYSTERICAL, screaming bloody murder. He refuses to calm down even after I'm back and holding him -- it takes a good 5 to 7 minutes to get him to quiet and stop sobbing. E. colors contentedly through the whole episode. And all I can think is, "Why are you doing this? Why do you have to be like this?"

Also yesterday, DD1 had an end-of-camp show. Each bunk did their shtick, and then a few campers were called up to each say a line or two about things they did at camp. DD1 had brought home her line last week -- it's one sentence. She's 7. She knew the sentence by heart. So when they stick the microphone in front of her and the camp director -- who also happens to be a rabbi -- says, "Would you like to tell us what you learned?" She says, "I don't want to." Now, there is some disagreement here. My parents, who were visiting, think she was just shy. I think she was pulling attitude. Mr. WG thinks the entire show was a waste of time. I think that Mr. WG needs to fact the fact that NONE of the programs we will attend for the next 18 or so years are actually going to be, you know, BROADWAY-QUALITY. But I do think that my kid was pulling attitude, and it REALLY disturbed me. I was really mad at her, which perhaps she didn't deserve. But perhaps she did -- I mean, WHY does she think it's OK to talk back like that? HOW CAN I MAKE HER STOP???

My other daughter is just a big whiner about everything. Bedtime? "I'm scared of sleeping." No more TV? "I never get to do anything!" Let your sister use the computer? "It's not fair, her turn is going to take a million years." Clean up time? "It's too hard!" Yes, I know that she's 5 years old, but COME ON. Does absolutely EVERYTHING need to be met with whining? Could I JUST ONCE get a PLEASANT response?

Fix my kids, they're BROKEN. And I am beginning to seriously question my parenting ability.